First, some review:
A Date is not the same thing as a "hookup." Google "hooking up" or "how to score with chicks" and have fun scarring some guy's sister or mom for life if that's what you want. By all means read on if you're wondering how to impress and romance a really great woman with whom you'd like to share your life.
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Not that guy? Great. Now that we've excused the users and jerks, I will tell you the Basics of Dating In America.
This tutorial is for men who have either never really gotten the hang of Dating Women, or those who are back "in the game" after a long hiatus -- possibly due to divorce (after a long marriage), widowhood (I am sincerely sorry for your loss), or the breakup of a long-term relationship.
Let's assume that you have either A) met her in person, and thought "Wow, she's great," or B) met her on the dating site and already had coffee or a drink with her, and thought, "Wow, she's great." If she's leaning toward you, listening to you, laughing, smiling, Not Texting or taking calls from her friends, then chances are she might just be into you. Don't let her get away. Ask her out. DO IT. Just say, "Hey, would you like to maybe go to dinner, even a movie, maybe next Friday or Saturday?" If she's into you and already has plans, she'll make it happen. If she's not into you, she will (probably) be nice and let you down easy. Don't be bummed for life. Sometimes things just don't click. Be a gentleman about it. Be debonair.Tell her some guy will be truly lucky to be with her someday. She might tell one of her friends that she met this really cool guy, and he was a total doll and a gentleman, and next thing you know, she's fixed you up with the Perfect Girl.
Moral of the story: Being a great guy who goes for what he wants with charm and grace will get women on your side, and make your life GOOD.
Let's say you've met her and you are not into her. Don't lead her on. I repeat: Do. Not. Lead. Her. On. Let it go. She may be good in the sack, but she is a PERSON and someone's daughter, sister, mom, employee. Just let her move on and pursue happiness. Men have enough grief trying to live down the "jerk" stereotype. Don't make things worse. Wait for the one who really zings your strings, makes you think, "Wow, she could be the one!" When you do meet her, you'll have good habits and attitudes, and a good ethic behind you. She can feel your vibe. Women have uncannily strong intuitive powers. If you have waited for her, been nice to women, she'll pick up on it, and be ready for that first date.
So now you've met this nice woman. She laughs at your dumb jokes. She smiles and says nice things to you. She's pretty and sweet, and you feel kind of tongue-tied (in a good way) around her. You've asked her out. She said yes. It's Date Night. What next? Follow the following advice.
1. Dress nice. Really! If you don't know (or don't care) what that means, ask a female relative or friend whom you believe to be up on the current styles and trends. Buy a nice shirt and slacks if you don't have any. Get a hair cut -- even if your hair is long and "grunge," if you are some kind of rocker and rebel, have it styled. Don't you dare show up looking as though you didn't give a shit what she sees. We're not making friends, here. We're talking about ROMANCE, and that means looking as good as you can. Have a daughter, a sister, a female friend assess your look and help you exploit your good points (while downplaying your not-so-great features).
2. Rehearse some funny and cute anecdotes from your life. Making "small talk" is critical, and many guys just don't know this. She does not know you, doesn't know your life, has never met your family and friends. Tell her interesting things about what's going on with you. NEVER -- and I mean never -- tell her, "I'm just a boring guy," or the equivalent. If you make no effort to entertain her, to woo her, to make her smile, then she will assume you do not value her company. You'll never see her again.
3. STOP thinking "Oh, she's going to sleep with me on the first date, and if I keep liking her, I'll just have someone to fuck whenever I want to." If that's all you are thinking about (and I do understand it's what you can't help thinking about), then you must go back to Jerk Land whence you came, and leave this nice person alone. There are many, many bimbos in America who will "do you" and walk away. Find them. Enjoy them. Leave this nice girl alone. She's not for you.
4. DO think about impressing her. If she really is the terrific person you are into, she will be excited when you make reservations at a great new restaurant, when you send her flowers, when you do something creative that specifically speaks to her interests and passions. You really need to trust me on this: if she's the one, if she truly falls in love with you, there will be infinite days, weeks, years in which you'll get a pass for being sloppy, rude, thoughtless, tired, careless, or forgetful. She'll love and forgive you as you will love and forgive her. But this is not the time to be tired and sloppy. If she's The One, she'll laugh and smile, she will be so happy when you TRY. But if you act as though dinner is just about the food, or if she feels as though you see talking with her as a chore, she will go *poof* and never tell you why.
5. DATE NIGHT PUNCTUALITY: Show up on time. Leave early and drive around the block a bajillion times if that is what it takes. If you're running late, call her, but that's going to lose you some man-points. You really should plan to be early. But don't actually show up too early. It will make you look desperate, and piss her off (we do like to push the hair and make-up to the last minute). Give her a break. It's not rocket science. Think of it as a Job Interview-- you want the job of being Hers.
6. DATE NIGHT CHIVALRY: Practice chivalry. If you are awkward with things like opening car doors, pulling out chairs, helping a woman with her coat, PRACTICE with some of your family or female friends. They will think it's charming and cute, and you'll get many brownie points with the women in your life for stepping up your game. When the big night comes, use a little good-humored bravado. Let her know you've got the whole White Knight thing down, and if she pulls a feminism on you, just smile and say, "Very well. I was taught to be a gentleman... but I do like a Strong Lady!"
7. DATE NIGHT MAGNANIMITY: Get the check. No, really. If it doesn't work out, then all you've invested is dinner, drink, movie (or whatever). If you can't afford that -- then WTF? Get a fucking job and man up first. It's not a fortune, it's just a stupid meal and show (or whatever). Don't wait for her to offer to pay her way--- YOU asked HER out! If she is that terrific person you think she is, she will eventually insist that you share entertainment expenses. But this is the beginning: if you want her, woo her. And for christ's sake do NOT bitch or whine about service, menu prices, or theater tickets. She'll NEVER go out with you again if you make her feel as though you've "put out" too much for the pleasure of her company. (Also, she doesn't want to date losers and anyone who bitches about prices during a date is a total loser).
8. PAY ATTENTION TO HER: Honestly, if you do everything else right and then forget to actually LIKE her, she's gone. Listen to her little stories. She has probably forked out more money than you know, to buy jewelry, perfume, clothes, shoes, and matching accessories to impress you (and everyone who sees you together). Compliment her shoes, tell her she looks great. If you think she's pretty, TELL her. If you like being with her, TELL HER. If you are really attracted to her... LET HER KNOW. But in a classy way, of course. If she stands close, lets you hold her hand, tips her head toward you, then maybe.... just maybe.... you should kiss her.
9. THANK HER: Let her know that spending time with her this evening was wonderful. Kiss the back of her hand like a cavalier, and if she gives you all the right body language, kiss her firmly but politely on the lips (NO TONGUE). Hold her for a moment, then tell her you had a nice time. DO NOT say "I'll call you" if you are not going to. If you ARE going to call her, do it the next day. Otherwise, she will move on, and wear her expensive perfume, her darling shoes, her pretty blouse to the movies with someone else.
OK, that's all for now. Get with the program, guys. We KNOW some of you are just out for jollies and want to get laid, and we also KNOW that there are women who want that, too. Find each other. Be happy in your fun.
BUT... those of us who are just nice girls who want to find nice guys -- we want the romance. We want classy, fun, and endearing. We are looking for sweetness and love, not blundering crap.
More later. Feel free to consult for more advice if you are the guy who wants to really find something great.
